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September 30 ExaustedI can't memorize those historical things and years,especially Chinese acient history.
I can't remeber what the maps look like,Chinese geography in perticular.
I can't force myself to study the boring POLITICS,it sucks.
I can't work out math puzzles,they are beyond my range.
I can't avoid making different kinds mistakes in English exams.
I even can't write a just-so-so compisition in my mother tongue.
My gosh!What's wrong!
Ms Liu (the teacher in charge of our class)asked me to go to her office and had a talk with me.
She said that I hadn't work hard enough.
Well, I remembered Mr.Li's sentence 3 years ago
"You are only an excellent student,but not a top student."
I really dislike they divide students into different levels,though it's mainstream.
Maybe,Ms.Liu is right.I wasted too much time on worthless things,I still have the space to improve,I have the ability to catch up with top student.
However,she didn't know that I was too tired to explain.
Really,I'm extremely exausted.
I'm not feeling OK. September 09 Disconnection?!This afternoon,on my way to dentist's with my papa,I found something really disappointing.
I told my papa about the gig for the first time,seriously.I even forget I hadn't told him.
To my surprise,he replied 'You should have told me earlier!I could get the cheapest plane tickets and find hotel in BJ for you!'
Oh,no!That was the worst mistake in my life!
I never expected my papa would agree,since he has always been so strict with me.I only told mum about the gig,as soon as I got mum's refusal I gave up.When I think about it now,I'm quite sure that if I had insisted,my mum would have agreed.However,I didn't,that was my choice,the most unforgivable choice in my life.Maybe there's really a comunication problem between my parents and I.
But at this stage,it doesn't make any sence to regret.
That was MY choice,MY OWN choice.The only reason for it is just the EXAMS.
Well,I can reassure myself with any excuse.
But I can't forgive myself for the relationship between parents and I.
I was so rude ,self-central and selfish towards my parents,especially there are endless conflicts between my mother and I.It's time for me to consider this problem seriously.
I remeber a piece of lyric of The Cardigans'
"If there's comunication, I disconnect."
I don't wanna be the second Brian Molko.
So I'll try my best to connect.
But now I still haven't the courage to write it on my Chinese blog.
September 07 Blue ChinesePLACEBO has already arrived Beijing, I'm still home.
Everyone is preparing busily, I keep quiet.
Suddenly I realise.
PLACEBO is not only my favourite band,it's the band which has greatly changed my life.
I admit that it was BRI's glam looking that attracted my first.Then,their music,their attitude,their perfection.
I can remember every attractive voice, every guitar chord ,every special rhythem that have moved me.
I can remember how hard I tried to get their information and news,how crazy I was when I write reviews about them.
However
There are to many irresitible things in one's life.
Unfortunately
one of them occurs to me in a worst situation.
I don't know what to say.
I just feel blue,
extremely blue.
Sep 9th,2006
a scar in my heart forever.
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